Grapefruit Guru T-Shirts

"I heard you tell Dad we're having grapefruit for breakfast."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Oh Hi!'

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Wine tasting

Red Wine

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'