Grade Wrangler Gifts

"The sad thing is, if we make good grades, the teachers win."

Teacher said the C's she put face up indicate slight improvement.

The Baby Walker

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

Distance to avoid contagion

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

High Riders of the Old West

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

"How'd I do on the test?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

The First Day Back

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'Did you want me, boss?'

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

Nanny with children on leash

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

"Fred's a man for all seasons. The lawn still needs mowing but he's set for leaf blowing."

"The Day Center called. They say your little girl is resisting arrest."

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey - it's part of the aging process.'

Woman in hospital: Pick up a leaflet, Pick up a bug.

"Mrs. Martin is here. She's the new substitute teacher."