Government Joke Collector Pillows

'Local council approved mugger. Beware of frauds.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Friday

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Shark infested custard!

Mexican Jumping Balls.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Cheating Death.