Legal Joke Collector Pillows

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Useless add-ons.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Shark infested custard!

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

My daddy ate my homework

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

"Turn your head and cough."

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'