Government Grumblers Gifts

"My psychiatrist advised me to pay taxes quarterly. That way my seething resentment is spread evenly over a year."

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

Freeway exit signs: Regulation, Deregulation, Reregulation.

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

Boring and unnecessary meetings

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"The planet is all wobbly this morning."

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

A Grumble Bee

"That's a great idea, Ben. I can hardly wait to take all the credit."

"Yes, you should have studied harder and no, you can't unsubscribe from 5th grade."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'The government is DETERMINED to get rid of the 'target culture'...in fact we've committed to reducing targets by 68^ across 75% of the 76 most target driven departments within 96 days!'

'Why does the phone always have to ring when I'm out of the bath?!'

Man - 'This coffee tastes like mud!' Woman - 'It was ground this morning.'

'Mum! Mum!... My egg's gone all runny!'

Can you tell me how to sue you for flunking me out of law school?

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

'To be perfectly honest, I hate my job: I'm not really a morning person...'

"The sooner they take you off vice patrols the better."

'No, I'm still standing in this stupid line looking at the back of somebody's stupid head.'

IRS: 'Ours and Theirs.'

"I stole your phone, but I'm giving it back. You get so many robocalls, it's just not worth the headache."

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

'The grades aren't MY fault - I think Mrs. Pomeroy is teaching-disabled.'

The mirror knew when to keep quiet. Bob hated face-to-face confrontations first thing in the morning.

"Sure, I failed Math, but I passed History, English and Science. Two out of three ain't bad."

'D-plus? -- I demand a recount!'

"Whoever invented the obituary page is a real jerk."

"Where's the snooze button on this thing?" "Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!"

'Irritable bowl syndrome'