Gourmet Traveler T-Shirts

'Could you please bring Marco Polo a fork.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

Holiday Supplies

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'