Gourmet Gossip Pillows

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

'Oh hi! I'm on the terrine...'

'The rumor, Henri, is that you've been using conserve de faisan au foie gras a la gelee helper.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"Harold, please -- the wine steward is entitled to his opinion, too."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."