Kitchen Gossip Pillows

"Don is more like network, and Evan is more like cable."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Chef copy robot

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

French suppers.

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

The Life of a Sentient Rock

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

"Are you sure its supposed to look like that?"

'I don't trust carry-out food. . . when you find a hair in my cooking, you don't hafta worry about where it came from!'

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

JERRY SPRINGER'S GUESTS TODAY

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

Russian eggs.

Avoid Constant Borrowing

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

'Bloody Joneses! Just because we've put in a new fishpond...'

Dog reaching over top of counter to steal cookies.

"Mmm. The soup du jour is not cream of mushroom. It is not tomato or celery, it is not chicken, nor is it Scotch broth. It is most definitely not won ton..."

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

'Sorry...I forgot to mention i'm Dishlexic.'

"I took the last of the leftovers to stave off cannibalism."