Gourmet Gossip Gifts

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

'Oh hi! I'm on the terrine...'

'The rumor, Henri, is that you've been using conserve de faisan au foie gras a la gelee helper.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

Join me for dinner?

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."