Gourmet Gadabout Gifts

Ants take cheese and grater

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Is this still America?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Holiday Supplies

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Cheese

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"