Gourmet Gadabout T-Shirts

Ants take cheese and grater

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

To do before Saturday...

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Cheese

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Is this still America?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"