Gourmet Gadfly Gifts

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

An exterminator waits in line at a restaurant

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

"The bagels are better in New York."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Whatever he's eating.'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."