Gourmet Beaver Enthusiast T-Shirts

"It has a nuttiness with hints of oak, maple, cedar and mahogany."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I think we took a wrong turn between the seventh and eight holes.'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"OK Dad, I've counted and categorised all the trees in our part of the wood: Now we can start on our sustainability plan..."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

Haute Chinese

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

'Ugh, we've got termites, destructive little pests.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'I think we need a good Project Manager to coordinate our efforts...'