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"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

Dog Chow Mein

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

"He won't wait for me to open the can."

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

'I pity the poor schlub whose job it is to make that call.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

'Dang! Oh well, I won't have to feed him for a year now.'

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

'So you want two opposable thumbs so you can open your own dogfood?'

"We'll be needing a high chair for spot."

Water. Food. Garnish.

Limits of Canine Philosophical Inquiry.

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"Have you got a book about the proper way of feeding a dog?"

The Four Basic Food Groups - Dry, moist, biscuit, bone.

'I can understand my mother and my first-grade teacher being there, but there's also a TV announcer who does dog commercials and a second-string catcher for the Detroit Tigers.'

"Well, I won't be asking 'what's for dinner' for awhile."

"I'll have whatever I'm hearing being opened in the kitchen."

"I'm so tired of eating meals from a can...I could spit!"