Gorby Fan Gifts

Glasnost

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

100 best beheadings

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

Santa's wash day.

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

Beware of the Cat.

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

'Dad, good luck fly fishing.'

Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Tell me the truth. . . what happens to all the leftover cake scraps in The Great British Baking Show?"

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Drunk Vampire

"It was very generous of you, by the way."

Raging Bull on Ice

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

'That's right, the Princess kissed me by mistake: She didn't know the difference between a frog and a toad...'

'I'm sorry sir, we have 'diet cola' and 'diet lemonade', but not 'diet blood'.'

"I Can't Dance... The Doctor Accidentally Gave Me Two Left Feet!"

"Surprised?"

"I love Boxing Day"

'My doctor's put me on a strict diet. From now on I have to ask my victims how high their cholesterol is.'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Vampire practical jokes.