Gorby Fan Pillows

Glasnost

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

100 best beheadings

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

Santa's wash day.

Beware of the Cat.

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

'Dad, good luck fly fishing.'

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

Drunk Vampire

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

Raging Bull on Ice

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

"I Can't Dance... The Doctor Accidentally Gave Me Two Left Feet!"

"Surprised?"

'That's right, the Princess kissed me by mistake: She didn't know the difference between a frog and a toad...'

'I'm sorry sir, we have 'diet cola' and 'diet lemonade', but not 'diet blood'.'

"I love Boxing Day"

'My doctor's put me on a strict diet. From now on I have to ask my victims how high their cholesterol is.'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Vampire practical jokes.

100,000 ! You weren't joking about wanting a big family '.