Golden Years Gifts

"To assume Leonard has a bucket list, you have to first assume he actually wants to do anything."

'Make your own sandwich. You may be retired, but these are my leisure years.'

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Older lady to husband surrounded by dogs: 'Still getting feedback from your hearing aid?'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"I'm not worrying. I've got most of my money in handbaskets."

"I'm so old I can't remember who's the smart one and who's the pretty one."

"Well, old girl, this is the third act. What, if anything, do we have up our sleeve?"

Life begins at 60

Bad times for retirees.

'Since when did they change 50 years from 'Golden Anniversary' to 'Remote Control Anniversary?''

Assisted Living.

"Don't make me take a knee, Nancy - I may never get back up."

"Dear, I'm at that age where things are finally starting to click for me!"

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

"I increase my small pension by working as an expert on selling anti-incontinence products!"

Pension Forecasts

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

Darby and Joan zimmer frame tandem

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

Elderly Dating

"Agnes is so crushing on him."

'You're in your nineties and still fancy women?' - 'Early nineties.'

"I told you they'd chuck us off the bus with those smelly egg butties."

"What the hell - a second adolescence is better than a second childhood."

"My first wasn't much, so I retired early to take advantage of my second childhood."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"Dude has got his s**t together!"

'The sixties? Well, you don't sleep as well, can't read anything closer than three feet away and your short-term memory's shot.'

Happy Golden Anniversary!