Golden Year Guide Gifts

Handle With Care

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Aging Support Group

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Older lady to husband surrounded by dogs: 'Still getting feedback from your hearing aid?'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"Well, old girl, this is the third act. What, if anything, do we have up our sleeve?"

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"I'm so old I can't remember who's the smart one and who's the pretty one."

Life begins at 60

Bad times for retirees.

'Since when did they change 50 years from 'Golden Anniversary' to 'Remote Control Anniversary?''

Assisted Living.

"I increase my small pension by working as an expert on selling anti-incontinence products!"

Pension Forecasts

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

"Don't make me take a knee, Nancy - I may never get back up."

"Dear, I'm at that age where things are finally starting to click for me!"

Darby and Joan zimmer frame tandem

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

"It wasn't until after fifty years of marriage that Mike finally learned the importance of putting the seat down." "Happy anniversary. Now flush."

"Agnes is so crushing on him."

'You're in your nineties and still fancy women?' - 'Early nineties.'

"My first wasn't much, so I retired early to take advantage of my second childhood."

Elderly Dating

"I told you they'd chuck us off the bus with those smelly egg butties."

"Dude has got his s**t together!"

'The sixties? Well, you don't sleep as well, can't read anything closer than three feet away and your short-term memory's shot.'

"To assume Leonard has a bucket list, you have to first assume he actually wants to do anything."

Happy Golden Anniversary!

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"

'In my day, it weren't just cold - it were bleak an' all.'