Golden Year Guru Gifts

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Handle With Care

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

Aging Support Group

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Complete Makeover

Sculptor's chippings

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"You idiot! I said, 'Buy more gold', not mold!!"

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"Well, old girl, this is the third act. What, if anything, do we have up our sleeve?"

"Someday when you have children of your own, you’ll understand why I dress you like ‘an idiot.’"

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

'Today could well be the day...the day on which the world leaders turn to me to solve their problems...they might just leave it till tomorrow.'

Bad times for retirees.

"It's the Silicon Valley foundation - they want to know if we'll match our grandson's $100 million donation."

Ballerina and the light switch.

Valentine for Guru.

"Dad, how does the outdoors work without batteries?"

"I have the smokey eyes look. Can the doctor still give me an eye exam?"

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

"Curious and curiouser."

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

Darby and Joan zimmer frame tandem

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

Elderly Dating

"Agnes is so crushing on him."

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'

'If everything is illusory, why should I listen to you?'