Gold Guru Gifts

'Thank you for your expert opinions, which will be of great value to the average investor.'

"Does it say what we use for money?"

"You idiot! I said, 'Buy more gold', not mold!!"

Tartine

'But what is the universe for?'

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

Best Before 5th Pint.

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

Fred's Canadian caribou hunt goes from bad to worse.

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

Life on Earth - The original chat room.

Aging Support Group

"welcome man cave."

"Whine and cheezed party."

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

Quiz Night...

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Does the N.R.A. know about this?"

"I was a weirdo in this town before anyone even heard of Comic Con."

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

Firearms Museum. Blunderbuss. That's funny, I always thought a "blunderbuss" was a messed-up kiss.

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.