Gods Gifts

"It's Zeus' latest obsession."

That guy? He does static shock.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

'That was fun!'

Dog Walking Services

Painting by the numbers for adults

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Love a Mutt

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

God's Subcontractors

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."