Release Gifts

"I' m being released tomorrow."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Squeezing the Free Press.

They're Not Just That Into It

Director/Action Man toy.

Benedict Cumberbatch

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

Herman Mankiewicz

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Trump pardons

"We just watched a hypermovie!"