Goat Grooming Guru Gifts

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Bathing the dog

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"Be creative...!"

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Dating is so expensive...

Emergency Hipster Beard

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

A very young man being hired as a groom.

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

Movember

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Nice haircut."

The Cat Spa

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"Wow, what a DILF."

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...