Animal Grooming Aficionado Gifts

'Just the usual, thanks.'

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Bathing the dog

"Absolutely not!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"Wow, what a DILF."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"So, how do you want it?"

"I'm down here, Mona. That's your slipper."

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

Sheep are sheared and then shown a mirror.

What female dogs think about their looks.

How to Pick up a Safety Razor Blade

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

"Actually, Occam, the simplest explanation is that you need an electric razor."

Consider a Pet...someone with a bigger beak than me!

"Come on, let me cut your fringe! You look ridiculous!"

Time to trim the eyebrows!

"Two or three more times around and you should be free."

"Well sir. . . you could have a crew cut, flat top, a stiff quiff, a hi-top fade. . . "

After deliberating on the topic for weeks, I've decided to grow out my toenails. Why? My mane of hair is lustrous and thick. My musk is overpowering. My muscles, toned. Primal. Sinewy. My chest hair is coifed and glistening. But I can't rest on my laurels. The only way to maximize my animal magnetism at this point is to grow talons. I'm a victim of my success. And here I was worried about world peace.

"Fill it up!"

"I beg your pardon, but a mustache is required in the dining room. Would you like us to provide you with one?"

'Will you get your eyes tested, you've put the hamster in the fish tank!'

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

Man heading towards the House of Mirrors with a shaving kit.

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

'Under the circumstances, I feel that it would be best if you had another doctor!'

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

'You know it's time to bath the dog when he starts to smell like a gym bag!'