Goat Grooming Guru T-Shirts

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Bathing the dog

A very young man being hired as a groom.

Dating is so expensive...

Emergency Hipster Beard

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

"The raw material was all around me: That's how I got started as a sculptor..."

"Be creative...!"

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"Nice haircut."

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Wow, what a DILF."

Movember

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

The Cat Spa

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.