Gluten-free Advocate Gifts

'Maybe she's gluten intolerant.'

"The gluten is free. The pizza, however, cost $12.95."

"Sorry, red wine makes Ralph gluten intolerant intolerant."

"You ever notice that the gluten-free ones have a funny aftertaste?"

"I'm gluten intolerant."

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

"Is there a vegan option?"

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

Modern Witch Shoppe

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"Will he be okay?"

Buffet - now glutton free.

"Leftovers"

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

'How do we know he's gluten-free?'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

Gluten-Free Church

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."