Gloomy Philosopher Pillows

"I don't know why I bother coming to all these commemorations - none of them will come to mine."

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"It Works For Us."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

Man with t-shirt: 'I think, therefore I don't vote'

I lactate, therefore I am.

The end is near.

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."

"I think once Qadyn is exposed to other 7-year-old nihilists, he’ll really start to blossom."

An doomsayer stands at a waterfalls' edge.