Dark Humored Philosopher Pillows

Oy Vey...

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Zenemies.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Tim Burton

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

"Death coach..."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

"What if it's smarter than us?"

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

Human meat.

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"What's it all about?"

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

And where do you think you may have come in contact with AIDS tainted blood?

"Now that you've been given the vaccine, let us know if you start craving raw meat."

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."