Dark Humored Soul Pillows

"This is not about Schmidt – it's about you."

Black humour

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

Out To Lurch

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Another day at work would be one too many...

Dead Funny

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

The practical psychopath

"Housekeeping?!"

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

Zombies.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"