Dark Humor Seeker Pillows

"I'm sorry, but he's having his teeth filed to needle-sharp points. Can I take a message?"

"I knew we'd get you sooner or later, Van Helsing!"

'Sorry dear, but I had to bring some work home!'

'Okay, so you've proved a point - you really do love me!'

'Always start off with a joke, try to lighten the mood a bit.'

"Oh our assistant, he was donated by a pharmaceutical company."

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

"Three men have committed suicide on the wharf this past week. Local police are placing the blame on Pier Pressure."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

Out To Lurch

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Dead Funny

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."