Dark Humor Pillows

"Yep! Should have gone with plan 'B'!"

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"I knew I smelled something funny."

Suicide by Domino

As you can see from his violent resistance to being injected witha cocktail of psychotropic drugs the patient is clearly psychotic.

Nothing Good Ahead

'Sleep well, Mrs. Krantz. When you wake up again your heart will be as good as new!'

'Let me through, I'm a creditor!'

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

"Don't freak out - it's just a save-the-date."

'I still can't believe he's not snoring.'

Good News / Bad News

The meek inherit the earth.

Death and the mp3 player.

'They might satisfy Health and Safety, but I still think the Hi-Vis jackets send a mixed message.'

Cambridge Supplies, Inc. - Back to School Special

'Let's see - your life insurance is paid...we got the rat poison...now let's go home and have a nice cup of tea!'

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'So you see Bob, an improperly tied knot can ruin a perfectly good hangin'.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'... And this is my cellar.'

Optimist

He never could fit in.

101 uses of a dead cat: croquet hoops.

"As soon as you're underwater you can take the mask off."

Gingerbread Man

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

". . . and now for some superduper funtastic team bonding games."

"If you can keep a secret, I'll tell you how my husband died."

"Make it look like natural selection."

"The bastards!"

"Oh dear Lord no! There had to have been another way!"

"As you know, Russian roulette is not a game to be taken lightly."