Dark Humor Buff Pillows

"No! No! I swear I didn't say nothing!"

Rudolph wasn't the only one who used to like to play Reindeer Games.

"You should know something about me Robert...I'm an arsonist."

If that slips off and I break a leg, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

The Tackle.

Tombstone with a barcode on it

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

'So doctor, what do the test results say? What are my chances?'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Vlad the Impala

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'... And this is my cellar.'

Out To Lurch

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Dead Funny

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'