Humorous Philosopher Pillows

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

'...and please, please, please, give me a chance to price to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me...'

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

Alone - This exit. More alone than ever - Next exit.

"It's a pity that there is no one to tell how good it is to be alone."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Atheists Airline

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life sentence!"

"If Jesus was real, he would be too hip to endorse your fan club."

Swiss Referendum

"They say that on your death bed it is not the thing you have done that you regret but the things you haven't. In my case like being a millionaire!"

'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the kind of money where I don't really care either way.'

'Perhaps... If they talked ALL the time and never shut up.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

A bug memorial on car grill.

Clancy: Good Friends Come and Go

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Zenemies.

At the 2021 Religious Games

Optimist

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"I don't think of it as copying from Danny's paper ... I think of it as utilizing the Freedom of Information Act."