Gloomy Humorists Gifts

'First, let me confirm a rumor. The next round of cuts will go deeper than originally announced.'

"I said slime."

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Tim Burton

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"....and hold the garlic."

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

"Death coach..."

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

One of Dracula's 'coffin mournings'.

'Sheep striptease'.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Moon Pies.

Factory Recall Unicorn.

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

Snowman Tattoo

'See? Tantor like Jane -- he want Jane give belly rub!'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"You said a moment ago that everybody you look at seems to be a rabbit. Now just what do you mean by that, Mrs. Sprague?"

"Captain, it appears to be some kind of paragraph."

'Which one do you think Dracula's in?'

"Now that you've been given the vaccine, let us know if you start craving raw meat."

Vampire Family Photos...

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'