Ghostly Humorists Gifts

Zombie standup

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"....and hold the garlic."

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"Well, we got the grant."

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. X.

Transylvanian Snails.

The African Plains during the 70's.

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

"You shouldn't be here. Your dead - and don't have an appointment."

"They don't make formula the way they used to."

'Wow! Did you see who just flitted past? Count Dracula!'

'Which one do you think Dracula's in?'

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

Whaaaah!(Scarey ghost shaped fart).

Sir Gilbert Murgatroyd

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

I thought we agreed, this birdbath was our little secret!

'Seriously, Earl, if you say you've got a bone to pick with me one more time, I'm out of here.'

Rational explanations

Healthy Witch Digest

"Is everything ok? You've hardly said 'Boo' all evening."

Dracula Waits For the Bus With A Coffin Briefcase.

'Dracula, I'm getting tired of you sitting around all day.'

"They don't play Mummies and Daddies these days-now its Wife Swappies!"

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'