Ghost Tale Humorist Gifts

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Home depot."

Ghost School.

"... and the sales call was coming from inside the house!"

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

Angry wife: 'Oh well DONE Keith! Why didn't you tell me the invite said BRING your own spirits?!'

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

"You shouldn't be here. Your dead - and don't have an appointment."

Whaaaah!(Scarey ghost shaped fart).

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

'Seriously, Earl, if you say you've got a bone to pick with me one more time, I'm out of here.'

'Perhaps this graph will help you appreciate the jagged mountain range I climbed on my vacation.'

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'I was warned about online dating.'

"I'm a medium." "Really? I'm a large!" "Your late Aunt Nancy warmed me you'd say that."

'And then, in a hideous metallic voice it growled...'

"He's not afraid because he thinks we're clouds where data is stored."

Rational explanations

"Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?"

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

"Would you like to dance with me?"

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

Bird Watchers Club of America.

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

"You're lucky – little ghost girls are so much easier than possessed little boys."

"I told you your mother wouldn’t approve!"

"You just keep him away from my kid, okay?"

"Objection, your Honor! This is clearly an immaterial witness!"

"Oh, man! Please be a trick or treater ... "