Ghost Humorist Gifts

Ghosts in the Bath

Zombie standup

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"....and hold the garlic."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Fancy a pint?

Cat Frankenstein

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

The Zombie Awakes...

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

...your sales are rather anemic

Pinata Zombies

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. X.

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

"I didn't want you doing what you did on our last date."

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

"You shouldn't be here. Your dead - and don't have an appointment."

Argh, typical! I always think of a terrifying thing to say after the s

'Wow! Did you see who just flitted past? Count Dracula!'

'Which one do you think Dracula's in?'

Pitching problems.