Gift Giving Gifts

"You shouldn't have!"

"Oh shoot, we still need to get Hanukkah gifts for the Rosenbaums."

"Main floor, aisle six, ladies' scarves. Shopper down."

Mother's day

"I got you a book on perspective."

Valentines Balloons

"Gee, Jeffrey, an annual report on our marriage is a novel anniversary gift, but I was hoping for something a little more romantic."

'I have 3 minutes to find a Valentines card or I'm a dead man.'

'You have what is known as 'gifting exhaustion'.'

'As you can see, I've been targeted by advertisers.'

Love.

Mom - There's Nothing To Do.

"I guess this makes up for all those months you didn't speak to me."

Never getting the right present phobia: 'I know there's nothing in it. You have everything.'

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'Oh it's just what I wanted, how did you know?!!'

'Let's make a package deal.'

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

"I got you the same thing."

'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.'

'Nope, a handmade coupon for 'one free backrub' ain't gonna cut it for our 25th Wedding Anniversary hon...'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

It's the thought that counts...'on our first anniversary he gave me a pearl necklce. On our silver anniversary he gave me a colonoscopy!'

'Since we don't have a fireplace, how does santa get into our house?'

I think the real question is, why do I feel I have to give out toys? Can't people like me just for me?

"Guess who they want to use as an example of how consumer confidence is on the rebound."

Belated Birthday Cards

"Six ideas for $10 or $15 for a dozen."

Reindeer delivering presents through door.

"I saved you the trouble of doing your last minute Christmas shopping for me."

'Wow! THAT'S what I'd call a Birthday surprise! It's the Christmas crap I sold on eBay!'

Santa on roof foiled by blocked chimney: 'No Junk Mail.'

Reindeer's Jacket Reads: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE JOLLY OL' FAT MAN FELL OFF!

"Why, thank you dear – I suppose five gallons of gas is a thoughtful birthday gift."