Gift Giving Pillows

"You shouldn't have!"

"Oh shoot, we still need to get Hanukkah gifts for the Rosenbaums."

"Main floor, aisle six, ladies' scarves. Shopper down."

Mother's day

"I got you a book on perspective."

Valentines Balloons

"Gee, Jeffrey, an annual report on our marriage is a novel anniversary gift, but I was hoping for something a little more romantic."

'I have 3 minutes to find a Valentines card or I'm a dead man.'

'As you can see, I've been targeted by advertisers.'

'You have what is known as 'gifting exhaustion'.'

Love.

"I guess this makes up for all those months you didn't speak to me."

Mom - There's Nothing To Do.

Never getting the right present phobia: 'I know there's nothing in it. You have everything.'

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'Let's make a package deal.'

"Next time, before buying expensive gifts, be sure there's enough money left to rent your own camels."

'Oh it's just what I wanted, how did you know?!!'

"I got you the same thing."

I think the real question is, why do I feel I have to give out toys? Can't people like me just for me?

'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.'

'Since we don't have a fireplace, how does santa get into our house?'

'Nope, a handmade coupon for 'one free backrub' ain't gonna cut it for our 25th Wedding Anniversary hon...'

"Guess who they want to use as an example of how consumer confidence is on the rebound."

It's the thought that counts...'on our first anniversary he gave me a pearl necklce. On our silver anniversary he gave me a colonoscopy!'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

"I had to bring all these things back because they had 'some assembly required' instructions."

"My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen.. "Frank got me a toaster for Christmas."

'364 and 1/2 days until Christmas!'

"Why, thank you dear – I suppose five gallons of gas is a thoughtful birthday gift."

Happy anniversary! Not perfume again!

"You're tough to shop for."

'Thank you dear, I'll never part with this present!'

"It would be a lot easier if I didn't have to check every list twice."