Gift For A Friend With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'You've been smarting off a lot lately -- Have you been fooling around with that 'Tree of Knowledge'?'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"...and in conclusion..."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

'I have here a virus so deadly it could destroy the world...Oh, darn that cat!'

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Bagel problems.

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

Solitaire card shark.

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

Acme Coffee Co.

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

Robinia Floribunda

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

"Now where did I park my car?"

I've got a gun.

'There are two possibilities -- either you're sixty pounds overweight, or you're a hairless grizzly bear.'

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

"Shall I say you're busy?"