Gift Evaluator Pillows

'Another stupid ball of string. I was hoping for a tablet."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'I received matching offers.'

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

Can you guess what it is yet?

'Look what my son gave me!'

"C'mon, get up...it's Christmas! Let's go! There's presents to open!"

'I want a bigger piece of the pie.'

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

"Has it been in your family long?"

X-Raying Christmas Presents

IRS. I made less money this year than last year because I spent six months filling out my tax form!

'You say here you're a people person.'

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

"Relax, Ms. Jones. I'm just X-raying this gift from my brother-in-law to see if I should re-gift it."

Talk of charities 'providing their impact' is dangerous and misleading.

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

I'm home, son! Did you bring me anything, dad? A new bike! Is it a Schwinn? If "Schwinn" is German for "Hallucination," yes!

"...or, if you're willing to spend a little more, we can arrange a nice, neat takeover."

"...Now will you believe me! It's too...big!"

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

"Every year it's the same old thing. Another pair of socks and another double chin."

'No government funding? No corporate support? Just what kind of ponzi scheme are you running?'

Child's Birthday: 'More junk, I bet!'

'Apparently when she said she didn't want ANYTHING for Christmas I made the mistake of not hearing her say 'I want a crocodile skin attache case'.'

I tried to make ends meet but I'm a poor judge of distance. Due now. Bill. Bill. Due. Due now.

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

"Dear Santa, I was very good and my brother was very naughty. So you can just give me his presents this year."

'I'd just like to go back to the 'all this' that Ed took me away from.'

Teacher's Day Gifts in Cuba