Expense Evaluator Pillows

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'I received matching offers.'

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

Valuation of Heaven

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

'I want a bigger piece of the pie.'

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

"Has it been in your family long?"

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

'Another stupid ball of string. I was hoping for a tablet."

How would you like to work part-time, Benson?

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

Having to pay for health care up front.

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

"Well, was the claim evidence-based?"

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

Inland Revenue 'Think Disallowable'

Fees office!

'$495.00 a night and no complimentary breakfast. You got a problem with that?'