Offer Evaluator Pillows

'I received matching offers.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'And this war game comes with an AK 47.'

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

Valuation of Heaven

Sex Score

"Has it been in your family long?"

IRS. I made less money this year than last year because I spent six months filling out my tax form!

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

'Another stupid ball of string. I was hoping for a tablet."

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

'I see that wearing underwear endorsed by Michael Jordan has done nothing for your jump shot.'

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

How would you like to work part-time, Benson?

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

I tried to make ends meet but I'm a poor judge of distance. Due now. Bill. Bill. Due. Due now.

'Your new boyfriend has potential, needs some omprovement. Overlooks a few things.' 'My husband is an estate agent.'

And now, by rule, mommy get to read you a story with an opposing moral.

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

"I just can't hide my feelings any more...for years I've buried them, been too scared of peoples reactions. I can't lie any more, people have to know the real me."

'Your co-workers are complaining again about your superiority complex, Simmons.'

Cost Benefit Ratio

"I can't help feeling that you are deliberately failing your exams in order to sabotage my teacher's evaluation."