Promise Evaluator Pillows

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Hey - my dad promised that I'd get a gun.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

'I received matching offers.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

"I see that grading papers for the teacher is going to your head."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

Sex Score

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

How To Keep Promises

Happy New Year!

"Has it been in your family long?"

'You say here you're a people person.'

'Government performance targets reach unprecedented levels.'

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

Get rich quick giving seminars!

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

'Another stupid ball of string. I was hoping for a tablet."

'Pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

"If I promise to take you on a fact-finding junket to Bermuda, I'll have to promise to take every voter to Bermuda."

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

"And do you, Jane, take Hank or the mystery box your mother is holding?"

'Your new boyfriend has potential, needs some omprovement. Overlooks a few things.' 'My husband is an estate agent.'

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

'Simms might be overextending himself.'

'I'd just like to go back to the 'all this' that Ed took me away from.'

Happy As Larry