Evaluator Pillows

"Has it been in your family long?"

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

Rodin's Irish Judge

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

'This is the time when the University started to rank our research by the number of publications, not the quality of the publications...'

Valuation of Heaven

Sex Score

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

"Done with the evaluations? Great! Now let's evaluate the evaluations!"

'Government performance targets reach unprecedented levels.'

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

"I think it's an early version of facebook."

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"I didn't go to college, but I took out and am defaulting on school loans to make it look like I did."

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

A couple look at a graph on their bed

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

'Your performance in bed?...On technical merit of artistic impression?'

'Your new boyfriend has potential, needs some omprovement. Overlooks a few things.' 'My husband is an estate agent.'

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

I tried to make ends meet but I'm a poor judge of distance. Due now. Bill. Bill. Due. Due now.

"Well, was the claim evidence-based?"

"Some people think it's as valid as testing our teachers."

"The selection committee turned down my painting as 'tribe and banal' but they'd like to exhibit the envelope I sent it in."

'Your co-workers are complaining again about your superiority complex, Simmons.'