Technology Evaluator Pillows

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Your Future Home.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

"I'd like to make a return."

'Soulless fruit flies are the nanotechnology of the fear industry.'

Rodin's Irish Judge

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

"I'm leaving a one starfish review of this tank on Yelp."

"I owe it all to my pacemaker."

"I'm trying to find a new element."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"I see that grading papers for the teacher is going to your head."

Parent and child enter library. Sign says, '30 minute time limit on the internet. Unlimited amount of time on books!

"An interesting selection, Dad, yet essentially a failure-as you can see, I'm still awake."

"It's an audio guide, sweetheart, not a remote."

"Has it been in your family long?"

"Done with the evaluations? Great! Now let's evaluate the evaluations!"

'Well Ma, I guess it's time to update our milking machine.'

"Okay...am I downloading the upgrade, or upgrading the download?"

'Government performance targets reach unprecedented levels.'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

Somehow, she knew she'd fooled nobody.

'Now I know why this Satnav was going out cheap.'

'You say here you're a people person.'

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"I didn't go to college, but I took out and am defaulting on school loans to make it look like I did."

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."