Gift Connoisseur Gifts

'Should have brought your brother an imperial gnome. Bigger. Get more work done.'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"Regift the bicycle, Charles, but put this in my Panama pile."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

CEO.

'The Easter Bunny has started outsourcing to us.'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

The latest in Eyewear.

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Pet owner pours out contents of treats for dog that are oddly shaped. Box titled: 'Funny Bones'.

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

S**t Threw a Goose

On the fifth day, Neville opts for jewelry.

'Wait until you see what you got me!'

"Read the card! Read the card!"

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

'What I really want, Santa, is a front row seat for the Olympic Beach Volleyball games.'

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

'He stubbed-my-toe yell sounds a lot like his chest-pounding victory yell.'

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."

"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

'Where are you, Mrs. Harris? I have another delivery for you.'

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."

'It's my stool sample.'

Secular Cloisters

"We are looking for the non-yucky apparel."