Gift Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Should have brought your brother an imperial gnome. Bigger. Get more work done.'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"Regift the bicycle, Charles, but put this in my Panama pile."

Actually, I'm looking for a gift that says nothing.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'This year I'm deliverying everything FedEx!'

CEO.

'The Easter Bunny has started outsourcing to us.'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

The latest in Eyewear.

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

Pet owner pours out contents of treats for dog that are oddly shaped. Box titled: 'Funny Bones'.

S**t Threw a Goose

"I hope he's wearing pants."

On the fifth day, Neville opts for jewelry.

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

'Wait until you see what you got me!'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"Read the card! Read the card!"

The Re-Giving Tree

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

'He stubbed-my-toe yell sounds a lot like his chest-pounding victory yell.'

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

'What I really want, Santa, is a front row seat for the Olympic Beach Volleyball games.'

"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."