Gift Certificate Guru Gifts

'If you're thinking of getting me any of those gifts...'

Beach con-man.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Santa called but you were out!

"He won't eat anything but corn."

It's a busy mother's day down there! The glucose molecule got his mom a box of sweets, the histamine brought flowers ... A sodium atom got bath salts, and the genes had a family portrait taken. Frank, the neuron didn't get a gift for his mother. No, he didn't but he always sends a nice message!

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

Regifts of the Magi

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Valentines Day truck

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Mother using candy cane to pull son away from toy window.

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"Pot of gold?! Nobody uses cash these days! Do you fancy a couple of gift cards?"

'I hope you came with a receipt.'

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

Honey badger do care.

"I'm sorry, but until you tell me what you do want for Christmas, you'll keep on getting cats."

"Do you have all those things in stock?"

'Year after year I play Santa, and I still don't know how to give.'

Get Well cards. They're constantly coming up with new get well cards, but nothing sells as well as the one that makes it clear the sender had the same thing and worse.

'What can you suggest for a young lady who thinks she has everything?'

Gift Ideas. What I get for a man who already has everything? Insurance!

'I like going to parties - invited or not.'

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

Dentist reading 'Dentistry for Dummies'.

"Just tell us what wedding gifts you want and we stuff the appropriate advertising flyers in with the invitation."

Santa carrying a sack full of mail