Getting An Award Pillows

"Oh look, how utterly ridiculous - you're on the honours list!"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Award Winning Gardener

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Soccer coach of the year.

Alexander Fleming

"So that's where you were last night."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

Zdeno Chara

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"I'd like to thank my mum..."